Categorical Aperitif

I was remembering some thoughts I had upon hearing this revelation from the ongoing Wikileaks imbroglio:

State Dept. Bars Staffers from WikiLeaks, Warns Students

The U.S. State Department has imposed an order barring employees from reading the leaked WikiLeaks cables. State Department staffers have been told not to read cables because they were classified and subject to security clearances. The State Department’s WikiLeaks censorship has even been extended to university students. An email to students at Columbia University’s School of International and Public Affairs says: "The documents released during the past few months through Wikileaks are still considered classified documents. [The State Department] recommends that you DO NOT post links to these documents nor make comments on social media sites such as Facebook or through Twitter. Engaging in these activities would call into question your ability to deal with confidential information, which is part of most positions with the federal government."

"Enclosed please find one (1) generous shot of 100-proof whiskey, one (1) container of topical disinfectant, one (1) small surgical knife, one (1) package of surgical gauze, one (1) roll of surgical tape, and one (1) picture of David Broder. Instructions: Apply disinfectant generously to groin area. Down whiskey shot. Remove sex organs with knife. (Quick, determined strokes are easiest.) Fashion bandage using surgical gauze and tape; use extra gauze to clean up blood. As a future State employee you should not miss your genitalia, but if this occurs, contemplate picture of David Broder. Congratulations! And remember: it's not self-mutilation; it's the first rung on the ladder."