Categorical Aperitif

The late great Bill Hicks had a bit wherein he imagined a self-hating Jay Leno, disgusted at interviewing celebrity dimwits and at having chosen to shill for Doritos even while making millions as Johnny Carson's successor, sticking a gun into his mouth and blowing his brains out live on television. I know that's not funny when you see it described, but it is in Hicks's telling, trust me (listen here, definitely NSFW). Anyway, I often think of this bit when I read Media Matters posts about Morning Joe on MSNBC. I don't have cable, and I wouldn't watch Morning Joe if I did; however, Media Matters usually mentions the show several times a week, and from many of these posts, I get the impression that Mika Brzezinski may be similarly contemplating the consequences of her choice to leave more serious reporting at CBS in favor of playing second fiddle to bullying blowhard Joe Scarborough and having to sit, smile, and feign enthusiasm while people like Tucker Carlson say things like this:

Discussing Sen. Hillary Clinton's decision to remain in the presidential race, MSNBC senior campaign correspondent Tucker Carlson, during the May 27 edition of MSNBC's Morning Joe, said of Clinton, "Look, she's a trapped animal, there's absolutely no question about it. As I've thought to myself many times, if you've ever tried to get your cat in a box, you know what Hillary Clinton is doing right now." Carlson then imitated a screeching cat, and added, "with all four paws out, all the hair standing up? Look, she is in feral mode." After co-host Mika Brzezinski said, "I don't know what to say," and guest co-host Mike Barnicle said, "Tucker Carlson, ladies and gentlemen," Carlson asserted, "And I say that as a compliment, I admire her tenacity. I do." Brzezinski then said, "I'd just like to point out, I have scars from trying to do that to one of the cats that I own," to which Carlson replied, "OK, then you know how [Sen. Barack] Obama feels." Later in the segment, Brzezinski referred to Clinton as "the cat in a box, as Tucker so aptly put it."

Later on Morning Joe, Carlson also compared Clinton to "the drunk party guest who won't go home, the cab's idling out front, and she's opening a new bottle of wine." He added: "And the hosts of the party, the press and the Democratic establishment, want her to go home, and she won't." At the conclusion of that segment, Carlson's last on that day's program, Brzezinski asked Carlson to "do the cat in the box thing just one more time before you go. Who's the cat in the box?" Carlson complied, again imitating a screeching cat.

Watch the video and tell me you can't see a mounting horror in her eyes. There was the incident last year when she refused to read a "news" item about Paris Hilton, and just two weeks ago I thought I detected a certain spiritual sickness in her voice as she introduced a segment on Tonya Harding. I may be wrong about this, but certainly I hope that, if the snap comes, when it comes, it doesn't take so drastic a form as Hicks imagined. But if, say, it involved Joe Scarborough getting kicked in the nuts on live TV—well, that might not be too bad. Good luck to you, Mika, and if push comes to shove, aim well.