Categorical Aperitif

So now the Navy Times (via truthout) is saying that a locally notorious Persian Gulf radio prankster known as the "Filipino Monkey" may be behind the mysterious "I am coming to you. You will explode after a few minutes" voice heard by American sailors during the January 6 encounter between US Navy ships and Iranian speedboats in the Straits of Hormuz.

I finally heard the audio of the exchange yesterday, when I had a chance to listen to the podcast of Friday's Democracy Now! segment with Gareth Porter, who has been investigating the story for IPS. I was exercising at the time, and when I heard that supposedly chilling message, I damn near dropped a barbell (should that be a euphemism for something?) and burst out laughing. Honestly, the first thing I thought when I actually heard that voice—having previously only read about it in the American press—was, It's some guy with a Mister Microphone.

The Navy Times includes a link to the Pentagon's version of the "altercation" video. Anyone who watches it will note that

1. the video goes dark at about 3:47—which is when the mysterious voice first appears;
2. the voice does not sound even remotely like it's coming from one of the speedboats (as Gareth Porter notes, there's none of the ambient noise one would expect if it was coming from a speedboat on the open sea); and
3. it really, really sounds like some guy cutting in with a Mister Microphone, I swear.

Iran has accused the US of fabricating the threat, and the US has conceded that the mystery voice might have come from someplace other than the speedboats. The Iranian version is shot from the perspective of the speedboats (beware if you're prone to seasickness) and basically features footage of the US ships and of a guy in a life jacket bobbing up and down while he talks to the Americans. He is most definitely not the source of the mysterious "threat."

Was the mystery voice edited in by Americans nefariously trying to drum up a pretext for war, as the Iranians allege? Did the mystery voice come from the annoying "Filipino Monkey," as some in the US Navy now suggest? Or could the truth be even stranger?

Could it have been some neocon operative—or, given the crude, amateurish quality of the "threat," should we say neo-keystone-con?—lurking somewhere on one of the ships, Mister Microphone in hand, doing the Threatening Iranian impression that got him exactly nowhere on Star Search?

Has anyone checked Doug "Fucking Stupidest Guy on the Face of the Earth" Feith's whereabouts on January 6?

Could the explanation be reducible to a Clue clue?

Richard Perle, in the goat locker, with a Mister Microphone.